Gender disappointment support for individuals, loved ones and professionals
Recognition, Understanding and Support for Parental Gender Disappointment
A dedicated online space for compassionate, psychologically informed understanding, support and conversation around gender disappointment
You're not alone in how you are feeling
Distress in relation to the sex of your child or children can be difficult to understand and navigate, especially when it feels so much more than ‘just’ disappointment.
You may have found that holding a preference for, anticipating or discovering your baby’s sex brought unexpected or overwhelming emotions such as sadness, grief, anxiety, shame, surprise, confusion, disappointment, frustration, guilt, worry about parenting or a sense of loss for a future you had imagined. Maybe this distress felt fleeting, manageable or settled on its own. Or perhaps it still feels intense and has persisted for much longer than you wanted or expected it to.
This all might be affecting your wellbeing, thoughts, relationships, experiences of pregnancy and parenthood, and can coexist with love, gratitude for your pregnancy and child, and other feelings that might at first seem contradictory (especially to others).
For some, a preference for, or how you feel about, your baby’s sex might be intertwined with difficult past experiences, identity, wider relationships, or reproductive trauma such as fertility difficulties/treatment, pregnancy or baby loss, traumatic birth, neonatal care or medical complications.
If you are worried about how your mental health is being affected (such as perinatal depression or anxiety) or have concerns about bonding with your baby, please tell someone you trust and know that there is compassionate support available.
Recognise
What you are experiencing and what impact this is having on you and your wellbeing
Understand
What may be underneath it all including why having or not having a baby of a certain sex has become so meaningful and significant for you
Support
What you might find helpful so you can move forward in ways that feel right for you and your family
“
Most people think they know what parental gender disappointment means...
I think it’s actually one of the most misunderstood aspects of parenthood.
”
The bigger idea
The Gender Disappointment Hub
A space for greater understanding, compassion, curiosity and conversation. The story so far…
I began researching parental gender disappointment during my Clinical Psychology doctoral training in 2010. My doctoral thesis was completed in 2012 – Understanding Gender Disappointment: An Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis of Women’s Online Narratives.
After years of working in the NHS as a qualified Clinical Psychologist, I started my private practice McMillan Psychology and my work quickly focused on supporting parents. I searched for credible, reliable, evidence-based information and support available online around parental gender disappointment and struggled to find any.
So, in January 2021, I started my Instagram @theGDpsychologist, wondering if anyone would talk to me about this often described as ‘taboo’ area. You did talk to me – parents and professionals – and thank you, without this we wouldn’t be here now!
I registered genderdisappointment.com in 2022, with a bigger idea in mind for the future – this vision was to go on to become what you have landed on right here: The Gender Disappointment Hub.
In the nearly six years in between starting @theGDpsychologist and now, my work around gender disappointment has grown through specialist psychological therapy, consultation, professional training, writing, media work and conversations with parents, loved ones and professionals.
So, here is a warm welcome to The GD Hub and this bigger idea coming to life, to develop a trusted online home bringing together psychologically informed information, research, resources and routes to support for anyone seeking to better understand parental gender disappointment.
Complex emotions. Valid experiences. You're not alone.
Access gender disappointment support now
While the bigger idea develops, you don't need to wait for support.
My already established specialist support for parental gender disappointment can be found at McMillan Psychology.
For parents, parents-to-be and hoping-to-be parents, loved ones and professionals
Are you a Health or Mental Health professional working with parents and parents-to-be, who supports experiences of parental gender disappointment in your practice? Please do get in touch, I’d love to talk with you.
Regular Therapy Sessions
and / or
Standalone Consultation Sessions
for Individuals
Specialist training, supervision, formulation support and reflective practice / joint-thinking spaces
for Health and Mental Health Professionals
Psychological thinking, my Experience + Impact framework, media contributions and resources
Contributions to conversations about gender disappointment in the media
About Dr Lindsay McMillan
I’m a UK Clinical Psychologist (HCPC Registered) working within parental and perinatal mental health, with a long-standing (16 years and counting!) specialist interest in parental gender disappointment. I support individuals, loved ones and professionals, offer therapy, consultation, psychoeducation and training, and write about the psychological aspects of this often misunderstood part of parenthood.